ill-mannered

[Vivian Mckenzie]

I am still, even in this age of pill-popping, nervous at the idea of having chemicals altered. That the only way to quell my incessant need to worry, have anxiety and dive headlong into crippling depression at nearly nothing is to numb me.
Always looking to tear away at me at the slightest irritant.
But relationships, deep inner-workings, most of my politics and a lot of my religion are off-line with people I know very well only.
So why not delve a little deeper?
Would have paid them no mind were it not for her staring.
They intend it to be infuriating.
More than I care to name here. She kept looking at me, I kept trying not to look back and managed to meet her gaze every time anyway.
But I could use some melanin and endorphins.
Nothing like snuggling by a fire with something to scare the hell out of you.
Again, you picked the suit, pal. That can be unsettling. I have made some huge, terrifying decisions and followed through with them. Just for the sheer, out and out hell of it.
It rises above that out of will.
Later, I get the check.
Asking for marinara felt like busting the entry line in prison. About what it does to people who allow it free reign. Believing in it and living by it are very different.
Perhaps it a thing of endearment.
Later, I get the check.
Nowhere could I find the damn things.
Not that sane ones, anyhow.
Effects are virtually gone. Pale orange Atlanta cap. The remote had no battery. My leather watch with the discreet-but-still-there rivets?
About thirty feet away from them, I turned, signalling them that I was about to give them a primo spot.



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