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I am aware of the pending status and am glad to discover you clear that flag when you get the message back. For non subscribed members you will never get the message back and the pending status will stay forever. Why can't you simply delete pending posts automatically after 24 hours? That will achieve the desired result.
No we don't want to stop all users from posting via nabble, only those who are not subscribed to the mailing list.
As I said without this we get email replies to posts that our email subscribers have never seen. Not to mention posts on Nabble from peope who are not subscribed.